Many thanks for the response to my last post on superhero special powers (I wish I’d had some last night). I’ve had mails and comments from all over with the best (and last) coming from a girl called Weda Larsen so I’ll take a wild guess and say that Weda might be a Dane. (Hope I’m right). I’ve always admired the Danes, partly because of their noble record of helping their Jewish compatriots during the war and most recently because of Helena Christensen, Lego and my friend Nik (my three favourite Danish exports).

So to these pictures here. They do have a point. Maybe ask yourself these three questions while looking at them: Do I want nails this colour? (YES). Do I want nails this long? (NO)
Don’t you think this Kiki De Montparnasse ring is lovely? And Lisa’s finger tattoo backstage at Marios Schwab Spring/Summer 2012 show? I lapsed into silence while I photographed it and realised that I really wanted the ring. The thrill of shopping for it, the trying it on. Shopping is a bit different when you see so much clothing and collections but I’ve only recently started to relish the experience of real shops again as opposed to online shopping (it’s crept up on me. Most likely because I’ve scraped together a proper budget and my fingers are a bit less fat.) So I really enjoy trying on things. Right near the door I met Lisa and seemed to have met myself. Let me rephrase that, Lisa told me “I mix masculine and feminine but I dress for nobody but me”. And do you mix masculine and feminine and dress for just you? Or do you dress for other girls and boys???? My own answer to Lisa was rather simple. My style = Anything that will confuse a boyfriend and my mum.

You might remember that I mentioned meeting Terry Richardson’s favourite model here a while ago – fuck yeah it’s Charlotte Freed, well I was telling Lisa about Charlotte’s pink hair. A tomboy attitude but with pink hair like the characters in my favourite annual. She asked me to explain. So I put my camera down and announced, “Applejack and Fluttershy,” to a backstage full of people.
“Sparkleworks, Rainbow Dash and Wisteria, Cheerilee and Hearthrob.” I was getting funny looks.
“Pinky Pie, Lily Blossom, Rarity and Sweetie Belle.” Seriously. Anyone! “And Starcatcher?” By the time I’d finished, those around me unfamiliar with My Little Pony characters (let’s say everyone) just stared as if I’d stoopped maturing at seven. Still, Lisa understood because she told me her cute “My little pony” blouse (and her leather trousers) were from Zara. (And that’s what I really wanted to know).

In truth I could justify the purchase of this blouse as a quick way to transform my hard edged separates. But with a closet full of black things already, if I were to add these trousers, what would my justification be? Let me try to find one (or five). First, I already have trousers like these, a present a year ago. I’ve worn them a lot and now they’re getting kind of baggyish. If I buy two pairs of these a year, realistic at my current rate of usage, that averages out at £4 a week on trousers, not so much in the great scheme of things. Second, I barely drink alcohol and go almost everywhere by Tube, bike and bus. Third, throusers are useful. Fourth, they contribute to my calmness, and thus to that of those around me, immeasurably. Fifth, I’ve learned the secret of having them altered to suit me (Designer Alterations in London 020 7498 4360). There’s a lot that can be done – the waist can be taken in through the sides or back and the width can be tapered. Convinced?

And it’s a great way to toughen up that feminine “My Little pony” blouse especially with these nails. I like the way Lisa has made the blouse and trousers work simply for her.

Oh and this nail colour (Lady in black by OPI used in the Marios Schwab Spring/Summer 2012 show) toughens up this very delicate ring. I suppose what I’ve been trying to say all along is that it’s a very delicate little balancing act.

If you had to choose between being invisible or being able to fly for one day which would you choose? It’s a tricky one. Moving about undetected may carry its attractions; robbing a Swiss bank or tracking down an ex lover. But when you think it through properly, invisibility also brings with it lots of potential holes. What about stuff outside yourself that you’d have to carry? Would that be invisible? Would the Swiss bank people see bags of money floating round the room? And an ex-lover, surely you’d be identified by your unique scent. These questions have posed problems for H.G. Wells, David McCallum, Harry Potter and The Fantastic Four (remember Jessica Alda?). So I don’t think we’re going to solve this one, right here, right now. I reckon if you really want to be invisible, there’s no magic or mystery to it at all, here’s what you do….. you just go along to a fashion week and make sure you’re the smallest person there. Works for me.

While I’m usually invisible, everybody else is frantic backstage making models/clothes/hair and make-up appear as visible as possible for their moment. Do you see this skin? Do you see these orange (sorry, coral) blushed cheeks in these pictures above? Are you gettin me????? I’d like to get the hang of those. Getting the “pop” just right is a bit of an issue at home. Tough to perfect alone so until I did I decided to stay off the radar and practice. A cheek like that if done incorrectly can be seen from MARS? Big ask that, enormous ask.

Hannah Murray (the lead MAC Pro make-up artist who created this look for the Jaeger Spring/Summer2012 show) and I talked this over. I said (in my most serious beauty accent) that I may have to claim special dispensation at the Jaeger show because although I’d heard the word used for years I’d really NO IDEA what the word “pop” meant in the context of “look at the way that product makes her (eye, cheek, temples) pop”. Hannah said OK, fair point I’ll explain. “It’s basically when a product imitates the play of light on the face to make your best feature “pop” or stand out.”

So what could I make pop? Weeeeell. I’m not sure really. Wait. Stay there one sec. I’m going to ask….. Well three people have just said three different things to me; “Your eyes”, “Your cheekbones” and “Your clavicles”. My clavicles????? (It seems everyone has a different one.)

I personally like the cheekbones answer. How do I “pop” those? By this stage a large cast of models had arrived and were banked up against the mirrors until eventually Hannah Murray did the decent thing and issued orders. “First cleanse and moisturise the skin (they were using Bioderma Sensibio and several different moisturisers), add eye cream (use your ring finger as it has the lightest touch). Give it a minute to settle. Apply a little foundation or tinted moisturiser to even out blotches (Hannah was using MAC Studio Fix). Alternatively if you don’t want to be messing with tubes or bottles use a face-sculpting mineral foundation and a big brush and put-it-where-it’s-needed to carve out your bone structure fast. ” Great fun.

Next apply your eye make-up (Orange/coral eyeshadow and Plushlash mascara on top ashes only). So to recap that’s foundation and eye make-up BEFORE your concealer. This way you avoid bits of fallen shadow or smudged mascara landing on freshly applied concealer. Next apply concealer where needed. Now for the funner part.

Besides the normal products and items I like to call things in pots and tubes, there are also the commandments of the business: I open my notebook at the start of a show, and close it again a few hours later, and in between, I write things like…. “First up, pinch the cheeks to gauge the most natural flush for your skin, trick” and “apply this coral blush look near a window or standing under a bright light. Applying blush in a dimly lit room can yield Bozo-like results” and “smile in the mirror, and dab cream blush onto the apples of the cheeks with fingers, blending up and out. Swirl a brush in more blush and orange/coral eyeshadow and blend and apply in circular motions, out to the temples.” The other thing about blush application is the brush “A midsize brush (with a diameter of an inch and a half) is best for blush application. Larger ones are difficult to control; smaller ones can create streaks.” So. to summerise: pinch cheeks, find shape, stand near a window with a brush, some blush, a mirror and SMILE!!!

Around this time, things are well under way and obstacles I might encounter at home start running in a loop inside my head. I reckon the day I’ll try this will be the day I wake up with a huge spot. “Cream blushers blend better into the cheeks then powder – although cream will magnify blemishes, so powder is better if you’re acne prone.” And that shine… it’s lustrous and dewy how do I get that? “Use Golden bronze iridescent loose powder to highlight the upper cheek bones and pat MAC Pearl Cream colourbase over and above the cheekbones.”

After a diligent two hour stint, right at the end Hannah explained “if this blend of corals isn’t your colour try light peach or pink for fair skin, terra-cotta or apricot to warm olive skin, and reddish rose or a darker coral for a darker skin tone.” Phenomenal knowledge. OK, what was on the lip? Any of the Plushglass lipglossses.

And what if I make a mistake???? Tone down the intense colour by brushing translucent loose powder over the apples of the cheeks and fix with your fingers with some Golden bronze iridescent loosepowder

Hannah of course relieved finally to see the back of me, told me to add one more thing to my notes. Apparently “none of this will make a whit of difference if you have dry, rough skin. It’s essential to exfoliate with a gentle scrub once or twice a week to remove that dead outer layer. Otherwise your skin won’t be able to reflect light and blush will gather to rough spots and give an uneven tone.” Together we finished our chores. I closed my notebook as the models were ready to hit the ramp. She continued to do “touch-ups” I moved to another notebook to start sketching/noting the clothes.

So that leaves….. I ran back to ask Hannah about highlighting clavicles… “if the body needs a boost of radiance, apply a body moisturizer with a hint of glimmer. Mac Strobecream work s well. I then asked finally about oil-based body shimmer “most formulas slide around and don’t stay put. If you apply one to your chest everyone you hug will twinkle.”

On my travels to Paris, I’ve since found Chanel Sheer Brilliance in Golden Apricot, it gives a sheen that dries nicely because it’s got silicone as one of the ingredients (look out for that). Gives the illusion to cheekbones and clavicles that you could hang your hat from them. So never mind your Oceans Fourteen, I’ve got the makings of a handy little gang here with tricks that’ll make your eyes, cheeks and clavicles pop. All they need is a leader.